Sunday, May 29, 2011

Lighted Joy

Just came back from church, and the slides were the same ol' every Sunday Reminders:
.Reflect a good reflection to the society
.Be Christ-Like
.Pick up the cross
.Make a difference wherever you are
.Build stronger churches

It's always the same old, same old.....
But though they are just words, doing it is a different thing is, we all find VERY hard to do and achieve...That's why we thank God for sending Jesus to bridge that gap to make our lives easier: AND EVEN WITH THAT IT IS HARD.
With all that difficulty to achieve these few things, My question is: ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FIND THEM DIFFICULT? And ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE SAD BECAUSE WE FIND IT HARD?

I know alot of ppl find me a person who couldn't care less about anything, that's pretty much cause humans beings complain on EVERY PETTY SMALL LITTLE THING THAT WOULDN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO THE PURPOSE, Ahem~ Anyway....As much as you see me that way, here's my point: I believe God exists, I believe He makes things we have to do challenging so that we improve ourselves (simple basic fact), But i do not believe God gives a task and laughs at your face saying

"HAHAHA! LOOK AT HER/HIM! CAN'T EVEN DO IT WITHOUT ME!!! BE MISERABLE YOU FOOL: WHOM I KNOW IS WORKING YOUR ASS OFF TO IMPROVE YOURSELF FOR ME!"

I believe God is merciful and graceful the way He is, and so we should be to take Him as an example.
If God, can state the quote above, and force us to be sad and unhappy to do His task, he must be a very sadistic God and painful to be around with. AND CANT WAIT TO PERISH US. = = We were made in His image, able to be happy, sad, angry frustrated....He knows what we feel, knows what we can feel, knows what we dont even know we are feeling, cause He created them all...Im only speaking through sense here, Im not saying i know EVERYTHING GOD DOES. With what He knows of us, He tried creating mini-Him's, and would sense tell you, He planned to do so, to make you sad to work for him? Depressed to work for Him diligently? Unhappy to Know the Truth, to how to be His servant? When He calls you friend and doesn't want you to be a foe?

This was what a good friend of mine told me:
"Hard eh to be a Christian? It's not easy."
This person I know and love, goes around being sad, angry, sad, and EVERYBODY AGREES that this person never smiles. And who was everybody? Ppl who made first impressions of him....
Im not that close to this person now, but, I know this person tries her/his best, to be a Christian, and to be SOMEBODY for God. But while doing it, I do not sense the joy but only pain, sorrow and misery. From that what am I suppose to understand from being a good Christian? That being a mini-Christ is a pain and SHOULD be a pain?
I thought we should be joyful and celebrating! THE MESSIAH CAME! AND SAVED US ALL!
Im sad and mourning for those who are still lost (as am I at times) but How long do i need to frown? ALWAYS? No! I know what can make the lost and me happier! For I have found the Truth and because of the truth I AM FREE TODAY! LET ME SCREAM UP TO THE HEAVENS THAT I'VE BEEN BLESSED IN MY LIFE TO JUST KNOW THE TRUTH!
NOT: woopeedee~ Kay, back to work, save ppl...tell them what I know....damn it's so hard...goodness it's tough...HEY YOU BROTHER! REALLY TOUGH LA! Remember very hard to be Christian you know...sigh, sigh, sigh.....OH! you wanna be a Christian? Okay, but, HAIH...look at all my sighs la...I never smile so long adie... *walks away solemnly*
THERE ARE ALSO: "You are not happy being a Christian?"
"I AM! =D *3 seconds* = = SIGH~*

Please please ignore the question: "Is she talking about me?" Don't try guessing, this is only an example of SO MANY THAT I KNOW!
Is working for God a sad job? Working for a Saviour who has to power to help you if you allow Him to; a sad job? As a sister, I feel very discouraged!
With this attitude, are you then fulfilling the purpose of believing in Him and serving Him?

I've been among these ppl for a very long time, and the few points I stated at the start of this post, have always been what I meditate under my breath everyday...Until I realized, if I were to be next to God and talking to Him, I'd be so SUPERFICIAL....If God made a joke and wanted me to laugh with Him: I'd go "You are funny oh Almighty God" = = Is that what God wants? To be a robot in His presence? What's the purpose of having a CLOSE RELATIONSHIP TO HIM THEN? Or making Him your EVERYTHING?
To make Him my teddy Bear~
My Dad
My love
My sky
My earth
My King
My Invincible one
My Superman
MY GOD!
My everything: I don't want a friend who discourages me from everything good I wanna do: would that make it to my Everything list?
(Im not saying whatever you don't like, God will not be. Be sensible and rational, I want a friend who teaches me that I did sth in a wrong way, and smiles and tell me to do it again until I got the hang of it: GET A SENSIBLE AND WISE EVERYTHING LIST PEOPLE!)

Smile people. The Saviour is alive and why is He alive? So that You know how to LIVE AND LOVE! JOYFULLY! WITH ALL HIS GRACE!

P/S: I just don't find it sincere to do whatever we are supposed to do for God with a sad face. I don't like asking a friend to help and he/she frowns doing it. i'll take the job away from him/her at once! If anyone feels offended, I didn't intend any of it, Im just stating what I think and hoping you'll shine your light to the people around you. =)
This little light off mine, Im gonna make it shine
This little light off mine, Im gonna let it shine
Let it shine, let it shine


Don't let Satan blow it off, I'm gonna let it shine
Don't let Satan blow it off, I'm gonna let it shine
Let it Shine, Let it shine.

Don't Let Satan blow the shine away from doing God's work. =)

Friday, May 20, 2011

Not worth reading. But I love it.

Me...The great and awesome me....
As a girl Im known to be one who has NO EMOTIONS (at least for a girl) and Have been PRETTY MEAN (thanks to that).
However, recently, I find myself easily affected by the common things only girls get affected by.
So, am I emotional now and qualified enough to be a girl according to the normal terms of society?

*checks my most loved Oxford advanced learners Dictionary 7th edition: this is not really the feeling love most girls have but it is to me Loyalty [New question: is loyalty a feeling or good reasoning? Hehee~ We'll come to that some other time]*

We'll go to the root word:
Emotion = A strong feeling such as love, fear or anger; the part of a person's character that consists of feelings.
Feeling = 1. An emotional state or reaction
2. an idea or belief, especially a vague or irrational one
3. the capacity to experience the sense of touch

Examples of when Im considered 'without feelings':
*18 years old, discussion*
A: What to do! He chase after me but i dun like him and no time. But he never fail to contact me.
Me: Tell him la. Make it clear to him.
B: o.o But that's mean
A: Yea.

*15 years old, Real life*
Guy shows interest......
Me: Thank you, but Im not interested. *SMILES!!!!!*

We are living happy separate lives than a complicated one. = =

Another Example:
*12 years old, whole class laughing at my friends and I for something we did wrong*
*walking out of class*
Friends: *CRYING!! RED EYES! SWOLLEN*
Me: ........... *smilling, knowing school just ended, oblivious to everything else*
Friends: YOU! What's wrong with you?! You know people just laughed at us?! Dunno how to feel anything wan lor she!
Me: O.O?!?!!! What else can you do?!
Friends: *angry angry angry*

Those days, I was like that.
Now, self examination.....Am I still like that?
#1: Lost somebody (It's no loss really, but....) : Feeling fragile
#2: EXAMSSS!!!! STPM!!! : Suicide thoughts
#3: Anybody comes and criticize what I do: I take them pretty much to heart
#4: Not accepted by present society : feel lonely

THOSE DAYS (I had a strong character):
#1: Awww..Too bad.....Oh well.....
#2: The sun won't die cause I get 0% *hum hum hum*
#3: Your problem, not mine....If anything goes wrong I'll learn my lesson...But what I do normally never results in doomsday
#4: (I'd avoid society normally, but I had friends who loved me Alot and they are not with me now )

The reasonings to all the problems Im facing are very obvious...but somehow, they are harder to live by than before which normally comes naturally.
Difference those days and then (which could be the very variable that affected me) =
There are adults and people who come and pressure me. They have always been in a good way, but, I feel I'm terribly in debt to them for being so concerned. And not achieving what they hope and ask for is disappointing.

Normal advices come with: "You must" and "you should"
Normal reaction in head nowadays: If I just fail and continue failing, they'll ignore my presence~ (FANTASIZING)

Hmm~ A variable I dun think I should ever consider....It's ridiculous. XD
Hehe~ But....Back to the question, Am I closer to being a girl today than before?

OR AM I JUST GETTING MORE IMMATURE THAN WHEN I WAS?!!!!!! O.O

. . . . .
This post is not worth anyones read.....But I love it~ XD


(conscious of what should be done due to reasoning skills and yet, not doing it just because I Like it: I may be a normal girl after all! =D NOW! Is that good news or a disappointing and confusing one?)

Hehee~ Ramble Ramble Ramble~ OH this is funnnnnn~ XD

Toy balloons~ Toy balloons~~~

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Emo/Happy/uncertain/Hungry/Emo/Unsure/Confused/Very hungry/ *stomach growling* / Emo~ (I just love myself~ XD)

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~
Just lwuve the picturesss (I think @.@)....Heeeee~ I just realised Im quite terrible with colors~ TT.TT
.
.
.
Amateur in drawing
.
.
.
bad with colors.
.
.
.
= = Terrible with everything else
.
..
...
....
.....
.......
OH WHERE DO I BELONG?!!!!!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Holding it all in~
Until I can let it go~

Midnights in Winter
The glowing fire
Lights up your face in orange and gold.
I see your sweet smile
Shine through the darkness
It's line is etched in my memory.

So I'd know you by heart.

Mornings in April
Sharing our secrets
We'd walk until the morning was gone.
We were like children
Laughing for hours
The joy you gave me lives on and on.

Cause I know you by heart.

I still hear your voice
On warm Summer nights
Whispering like the wind.

You left in Autumn
The leaves were turning
I walked down roads of orange and gold.
I saw your sweet smile
I heard your laughter
You're still here beside me every day.

Cause I know you by heart,
Cause I know you by heart.

By Eva Cassidy

Friday, May 6, 2011

The Princess Who had Nothing To Love

Once upon a time, There was a princess named Lina. She was not always a happy child, but she was not always sad either.
One day, she walked past a little magic ball. It was a very peculiar ball, for the colors were very ugly and it was as if the last owner did not bother how it would ever look like.
Realizing there would be no harm done to bring it back, the princess decided to bring it home. It was no easy task, for the magic ball had a mind of its own. The closer she got to it to hold it, the further it roll away from her. The chase went on until the magic ball reached to the edge of a drain. Unwilling to allow the ball to fall, she ran and picked the ball up, and put it safely in her pocket so that it wouldn't roll anywhere else.
The magic ball was not willing to be carried away by the princess and it became hot. It did not burn a hole in her pocket, but the princess could feel the heat. So she pulled that part of her skirt away from her skin, and was thankful for the short walk left to reach her castle.
In her room, she placed the ball in a square box and the ball cooled down. She brought it to the window where there was sunlight and the sounds of singing birds. It was then when she noticed its color started becoming more grey. She panicked for a moment, and decided to paint it herself.
Determined as she was, she took a cloth and tried rubbing the colors off the magic ball. Instead of helping her, the ball radiated heat again and scorched her palm. Throwing the ball back into the box, she left the room and ran to the river close to the castle, where she placed her scalded hand into. She started crying because she was disappointed with what that had happened. As when her first tear dropped into the river, an obvious ray of sunlight appeared next to her.
"Oh, dear princess, what has happened that made you cry so?" a voice from nowhere was heard.
"Nothing, you should be so concerned about, but I wasn't given a chance to love"
"Look into the river and say 'My heart aches so' and you'll be given help."
She did what she was asked to do and a fish appeared by the surface of the water "Princess Lina, my old friend! Stop crying, I may have the solution". Then a rag appeared next to the fish, "It is a magic cloth that can erase any color away. Use it wisely."
Inexplainable joy filled the heart of Lina and she grabbed the rag. Headed straight for her room, she wiped away her tears and took the magic ball in her hands. It started becoming hot again, but with two hands holding the rag, she felt nothing, therefore managed to erase the colors of the ball away. Unable to do anything more, the magic ball kept still and allowed her to erase it's color as well as painting it with new colors.
Looking at itself, the ball become quite happy and swirled the colors all around itself with joy. It entertained the princess and the ball was contented as well.
Days passed and both the princess and the magic ball found companionship in each other. When the ball is happy, it will radiate the bright yellow colors on itself. Day after day the ball remained bright yellow, and the princess could never be as sad as before.
Then came one day, the ball turned dull maroon. The princess became worried, and held it in her hands. She tried playing with it but, it still remained dull maroon. Leaving it in it's box next to the window again, she was disappointed at being unable to make it happy and ran out of the castle once more, crying. While sitting in the meadow, a spot of sunlight appeared next to her as before and a voice was heard "Oh, dear princess, what has happened that made you cry so?".
"Nothing, you should be so concerned about, but I wasn't given a chance to love"
"Look into the sky and say 'My heart aches so' and you'll be given help."
Hoping for the best, she did as she was told and two birds came flying down to her side. "Princess Lina, our old friend! Stop crying, we may have the solution. Go back to your room and we'll meet you there!" Running back up the castle stairs and into her room, she anticipated for what's to come. She then saw the two birds by the windowsill chirping melodious music that filled the room. The princess did not stop sobbing until she saw the ball turning bright yellow. She held the ball next to her and she felt its warmth in her hands, and she became very happy once more. The ball continued as her very close friend, and they played together for a very long time. All the while, it only radiated the color of bright yellow.
It was all so, and the princess never got out of the castle for a few months, until one fated afternoon after waking up late, the princess could no longer find the ball in it's square box. She became very anxious, and looked in every corner of her room. She soon realized she left the window open the last night, and she became even more nervous.
Rushing out into the open air, outside the castle, she searched the ground where the ball may have fallen. "Princess Lina our old friend! Why are there tears in your eyes?" asked the two birds that helped her once before.
"Oh, nothing, you should be so concerned about, but I may now have nothing to love"
Understanding that she have lost her ball, the two birds helped her in search for it.
"Princess Lina my old friend! Why are there tears in your eyes?" asked the fish that helped the princess months before, with it's head popping out from the surface of the river.
Oh, nothing, you should be so concerned about, but I may now have nothing to love" she replied again to the fish, and the fish too knew what she lost. It also went in search for her missing ball.
Walking a few steps from the river, she saw a dull green ball and realized it was the magic ball that she owned. The birds saw it too, but knew it shouldn't be of the color. The princess ran to it, but to her dismay, it rolled away from her. When it stopped, she ran again, and tears swelled up in her eyes. "I love you dear, Tammy. I'll paint you and make you beautiful again. Come back."
She ran towards it again, and this time it did not roll away. Instead, it radiated a great amount of heat when she held it. This made the princess cry even harder. The birds chirped solemnly and was hoping they could help, but before they reached the princess, she started chasing the ball again while it rolled away. It rolled and rolled until it reached the edge of the river bank.
Panicking, the princess stretched her hand out as far as she could to take hold of it, but the ball rolled into the river. The fish tried to save it but for the current was too strong and was heading to a waterfall, it couldn't go anymore near it.
Princess Lina cried harder than ever. Not even the birds and the fish said anything, for they knew this heartache would take very long to cure. The birds only sang to her sorrow hoping to help and the fish followed her as she walked by the river back to the castle. Upon reaching the door, with her vision blurred from tears, she saw a ray of sunlight shining on her and a familiar voice asked ""Oh, dear princess, what has happened that made you cry so?"
"Nothing, you should be so concerned about," she sobbed, "but I now have nothing to love"

AUTHOR, JOYCE TJL


PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR THE GRAMMATICAL ERRORS. THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING A STORY AFTER 2 YEARS.

Monday, May 2, 2011

How are You Today?



It'll always be the same old answer/picture~
= =

JTJL