Thursday, November 24, 2011

Lived to tell the tale

This year has been a very rough year on me.
I've been learning how to live a life with a little less of my over-confidence and self-pride...And learning how to forgive others as well as myself...
Lets talk about my pride though....It was a very good friend of mine that got me to many places in my life. I won competitions thanks to it, posts, respect...almost anything a young person such as I would love to win, I'd be able to collect them all...Priceless prizes consisting of memories in my life they were: These games I play with pride as my chess piece owned them all.
Coming to this year, I felt safe in prides arms....I've learned of God, and though I do still give apart of the glory to Him, I never made them His; I never made myself His as well.
I will never serve idols nor pagans cause this God I know is real, but how serious I was with Him was always questionable.

So....With pride I walked through the entire 2011, unaware of anything; thinking I was invincible with pride..
Everything went wrong from March then October then Yesterday...
In March a hammer called reality slammed on my head and had me crying...
In October, a knife called sensibility stabbed me and left me bleeding...
Yesterday, a blade called respect slashed me to bits and left me weak...
If "Joyce-in-the-past" sees me now, she'd spit on me and scream at me...she'd tell me "You are nowhere now".
But, I'm not the past me and the past me is not here, therefore heck with her. So, at where Im standing now...what can I do?
I have lost alot of self-respect for myself, my pride left me in ruins, guilt stained me and refuses to wash off.
I have scars all over me, so do I really have no more hope for a future?
Then of course, Jesus Christ came in mind. He washes away all sins like it or not and allows you to start anew and fresh! As much as guilt is screaming right into my ears that I'm hopeless, guilt actually has no power to make me hopeless unless I allow him to.

(Kakashi-Naruto , Prince Zuko - Avatar , Keshin - Samurai X , Chichiri - Fushig Yuugi)
The scars Im talking about are not physical ones but, linking to these examples: every scar tells a story
Like it or not, they cant remove the scars. In fact, these scars actually brought them to somewhere in life. Good or bad, it was up to them.
Zuko : He was an exiled prince and wasnt a very good character after he obtained that scar his father left him with...It took him quite a long while before he realised where he went wrong.
Kenshin: His scar carries alot of stories about his famous past and his personal self...After getting that scar, he could have just continue using his skills to kill people and live up to his reputation, but instead, he chose to live and let live...
Chichiri : His scar is a reminder of his past (some love story actually) which he carries around but was never affected by it...eventhough it blinds him at oneside, he made himself useful to others still ad proved worthy of love and respect.
Kakashi : I dont know (Naruto is too long), but i always believed a man with some scar on him must have went through a hard time and who he is now, is what that counts.

These people could've just allowed guilt, shame and sadness to control their future...But they didn't...and that was what that made them great...
The scars will never leave them, but it always serves as a good reminder of who one was before the present.

For me, I now see a new start for myself....Thanks to Christ, these scars I take so much notice of now, He may even ignore, and that is what that counts.


Monday, November 21, 2011


I know many of you will be able to achieve what you have aimed for (or may have achieved it already): I'm glad really...But just because I don't achieve what you will be achieving doesn't mean I don't care about myself.
On the contrary, I'm fighting a war you may not understand and may in time you will face also.

Sincerely, sincerity.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

It Can't last

STPM is coming...
And my feelings are still toying with me...
Hurt and pain never made themselves so clear till now.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Baby Here I Go Again

May have been missing something all this while after all.. =)
Fixing up the pieces and trying once more...
Still am blessed~ ^^

(Lets hope this lasts)

Saturday, November 5, 2011


Dear younger me,
You were a BIG FAT JOKE OF EXISTANCE: you cursed alot (with normal words and foul ones), you were bloody attention seeking, you were SUPER LOUD (not always on purpose I know but at times yes), you were annoying.....AND YET: you were cool, people still respected you in a way, gives you high posts in every social circle, and was considered quite matured for whichever age you were then.

Right now, you told yourself to be nice, un-rude (but still you), lovable and to love also. Especially TO LOVE OTHERS....And yet...The world makes it so difficult for you. Now you are alone...(practically unwanted except from those who wants your company from desperation)...and trying to survive despite your horrible emotional state...I know if you were me, you'd go "f**k life!" But here I am with this:

JAMES 1:2 = 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

COLLOSSIANS 3:12 = Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.


PSALMS 37:4 = 4 Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

NAO! Learn to have faith and at all times have joy and NOT BE GREEDY!!!!

(Jesus Christ changes your emotional state mann.... o.o)

Tuesday, November 1, 2011



I don't have hiccoughs...but...ever realised hiccoughs get you so irritated with them that you forget all your other problems???
I want a hiccough everytime I think of sth sad...

(still hurt)