Thursday, December 29, 2011


Sunday, December 4, 2011

Dusk and Dawn

Almost freedom from education!!!!

Looking forward to purposeful days ahead!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Lived to tell the tale

This year has been a very rough year on me.
I've been learning how to live a life with a little less of my over-confidence and self-pride...And learning how to forgive others as well as myself...
Lets talk about my pride though....It was a very good friend of mine that got me to many places in my life. I won competitions thanks to it, posts, respect...almost anything a young person such as I would love to win, I'd be able to collect them all...Priceless prizes consisting of memories in my life they were: These games I play with pride as my chess piece owned them all.
Coming to this year, I felt safe in prides arms....I've learned of God, and though I do still give apart of the glory to Him, I never made them His; I never made myself His as well.
I will never serve idols nor pagans cause this God I know is real, but how serious I was with Him was always questionable.

So....With pride I walked through the entire 2011, unaware of anything; thinking I was invincible with pride..
Everything went wrong from March then October then Yesterday...
In March a hammer called reality slammed on my head and had me crying...
In October, a knife called sensibility stabbed me and left me bleeding...
Yesterday, a blade called respect slashed me to bits and left me weak...
If "Joyce-in-the-past" sees me now, she'd spit on me and scream at me...she'd tell me "You are nowhere now".
But, I'm not the past me and the past me is not here, therefore heck with her. So, at where Im standing now...what can I do?
I have lost alot of self-respect for myself, my pride left me in ruins, guilt stained me and refuses to wash off.
I have scars all over me, so do I really have no more hope for a future?
Then of course, Jesus Christ came in mind. He washes away all sins like it or not and allows you to start anew and fresh! As much as guilt is screaming right into my ears that I'm hopeless, guilt actually has no power to make me hopeless unless I allow him to.

(Kakashi-Naruto , Prince Zuko - Avatar , Keshin - Samurai X , Chichiri - Fushig Yuugi)
The scars Im talking about are not physical ones but, linking to these examples: every scar tells a story
Like it or not, they cant remove the scars. In fact, these scars actually brought them to somewhere in life. Good or bad, it was up to them.
Zuko : He was an exiled prince and wasnt a very good character after he obtained that scar his father left him with...It took him quite a long while before he realised where he went wrong.
Kenshin: His scar carries alot of stories about his famous past and his personal self...After getting that scar, he could have just continue using his skills to kill people and live up to his reputation, but instead, he chose to live and let live...
Chichiri : His scar is a reminder of his past (some love story actually) which he carries around but was never affected by it...eventhough it blinds him at oneside, he made himself useful to others still ad proved worthy of love and respect.
Kakashi : I dont know (Naruto is too long), but i always believed a man with some scar on him must have went through a hard time and who he is now, is what that counts.

These people could've just allowed guilt, shame and sadness to control their future...But they didn't...and that was what that made them great...
The scars will never leave them, but it always serves as a good reminder of who one was before the present.

For me, I now see a new start for myself....Thanks to Christ, these scars I take so much notice of now, He may even ignore, and that is what that counts.


Monday, November 21, 2011


I know many of you will be able to achieve what you have aimed for (or may have achieved it already): I'm glad really...But just because I don't achieve what you will be achieving doesn't mean I don't care about myself.
On the contrary, I'm fighting a war you may not understand and may in time you will face also.

Sincerely, sincerity.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

It Can't last

STPM is coming...
And my feelings are still toying with me...
Hurt and pain never made themselves so clear till now.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Baby Here I Go Again

May have been missing something all this while after all.. =)
Fixing up the pieces and trying once more...
Still am blessed~ ^^

(Lets hope this lasts)

Saturday, November 5, 2011


Dear younger me,
You were a BIG FAT JOKE OF EXISTANCE: you cursed alot (with normal words and foul ones), you were bloody attention seeking, you were SUPER LOUD (not always on purpose I know but at times yes), you were annoying.....AND YET: you were cool, people still respected you in a way, gives you high posts in every social circle, and was considered quite matured for whichever age you were then.

Right now, you told yourself to be nice, un-rude (but still you), lovable and to love also. Especially TO LOVE OTHERS....And yet...The world makes it so difficult for you. Now you are alone...(practically unwanted except from those who wants your company from desperation)...and trying to survive despite your horrible emotional state...I know if you were me, you'd go "f**k life!" But here I am with this:

JAMES 1:2 = 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

COLLOSSIANS 3:12 = Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.


PSALMS 37:4 = 4 Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

NAO! Learn to have faith and at all times have joy and NOT BE GREEDY!!!!

(Jesus Christ changes your emotional state mann.... o.o)

Tuesday, November 1, 2011



I don't have hiccoughs...but...ever realised hiccoughs get you so irritated with them that you forget all your other problems???
I want a hiccough everytime I think of sth sad...

(still hurt)

Thursday, October 20, 2011

I will follow you~~~ (*Backup singers*: follow you!)

I'm sorry

(But I still think It doesn't make sense! Even though now I understand.)



(Too annoyed and disappointed and depressed to say anything here)

Monday, October 17, 2011

Greetings~~ ^^

(Scanner went BOOM BOOM~ So I was stuck with the camera. X3)
Meet My Friend!! I haven't made up my mind of what to call her by, but she's a Dream Mistress. ^^ I think she is pretty~

Sunday, October 16, 2011


Tell me her name
I want to know
The way she looks
And where you go
I need to see her face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end

Tell me again
I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night
When I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own

I'll let you go
I'll let you fly
Why do I keep asking why
I'll let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time

I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to life than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes
I'd give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end

Broken Vow ~ Lara Fabian
Life has taught me to be gentler and more compassionate. Before this, I would laugh at people who could sing this song and mean was ridiculous to me. Now~ The words can never be more true.
(Im not trying to attract specifically anybody's attention: Im just expressing myself)

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Hello My Friend

I'm back to your kingdom to rule once more.
I've brought myself misery by running away, and have learnt my lesson.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

For I Am All I've Done; Remember Me

RememberI will still be hereAs long as you hold meIn your own memory
RememberWhen your dreams have endedTime can be transcendedJust remember me
I am the one star that keeps burningSo brightlyIt is the last lightTo fade into the rising sunI'm with you whenever you tellMy storyFor I am all I've done
RememberI will still be hereAs long as you hold meIn your own memoryRemember me
I am that warm voice in the cold windThat whispersAnd if you listenYou'll hear me call across the skyAs long as I still can reach outAnd touch youThat I will never die
RememberI'll never leave youIf you will onlyRemember me
RememberI will still be hereAs long as you hold meIn your own memory
RememberWhen your dreams have endedTime can be transcendedI live foreverRemember meRemember meRemember me

Remember Me ~ Josh Groban

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Friday, October 7, 2011

Crooning to the Moon

I wonder would he even know me now

We were so young and it was long ago

Or will the memories rush back all at once with one hello

I wonder if he'll even know my name

Or must I remind him of those days

He used to love me then he may still love me now

I wonder if this music takes him back

To when our world was one big silver screen

Lost in the darkness we'd go to where only our hearts had been

I wonder if he still recalls my touch

I wish I could turn the clock somehow

He used to love me then he may still love me now

I wonder would he even know me now

We were so young and it was long ago

Or will the memories rush back all at once with one hello

I wonder if he'll even know my name

Or must I remind him of those days

He used to love me then he may still love me now

Would He Even Know Me Now~ Hayley Westenra

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Dear survival

I was Catherine Earnshaw.
I made myself Catherine Linton.
I crave but should not be Catherine Heathcliff.

(And the things I say many cannot understand)

= =

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Good times, good times~

You know the time in your life where you ave good friends and you consider good friends as awesome people....And then one fine day, they just pus you aside....They act like you are nobody...They show like they just don't wanna have anything to do with you anymore, then you get paranoid, so you start shooting everything and every word with a sorry...But it becomes worse somehow, and you get ignored even more.....Then you end up talking to yourself, feeling unawesome, then asking yourself what went wrong, but you cannot say sorry anymore, cause you never got any explanation from the last ''sorry's''......So you just end up alone, looking at your old friend, whom you are not so sure is or is not your friend now, and at some time get angry, then again you know there's n use.....Now, you just wonder what will ahppen o the next friend you are going to meet, how much of a friend he/she will be, then you wil remember that old friend, then you get hurt....Yeahhhh~ Remember that???? Oh life~ =)

Friday, September 16, 2011

World Wisdom.

The world can try to convince me that God's creations are not trustworthy: though made by the Most Perfect and made in the image of The Most Perfect.
I will not fall. God made them for reasons He know, and I trust Him. If He can love them, so can I. If love needs trusting. I will trust.

I will not fall like most adults of the world have, to the deceptive idea of how selfish Gods' creations should be.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Hugs for Yua

Poor little Yua, the lonely wolf
Gave her all to one, and resulted it all with none.
Poor little Yua, she has always been ignored
Though so much she always gave, it always left her sore.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Chapter 1

"Blasted bitch. GO AWAY YUA! I can't do anything for you!" shouted the man in rags as he stomped through the muddy puddles away from the shadows. Few paces past and he felt insecure. He turns back to stare into the shadows as his body shivered, whispering "Don't come near me."
He paced faster ahead determined to get the buzzing guilt away from his head and heart. To where he was going, he did not know and has no idea. He only needed to get away from Yua.
The night was cold and it was drizzling. Tucking his hands into his what-was-left-of-it pocket, his mind forced ignorance of the presence he knew was following and stalking him. Yet, it was all in vain, his head buzzed even louder and in his condition where he has not had a decent meal in 3 days, it was unbearable. He needed food. He needed rest. He needed space (or maybe he had that too much). He never really understood what he needed. A vagabond was all he is and was; he needed almost everything.
Reaching a deserted alley, he saw a dry spot he could rest for the night. There were some newspapers around as well. Though some were damp, they were enough to psychologically satisfy him. Yua wouldn't be around him to warm him up anymore; or at least he wouldn't want her around. He grabbed the newspapers and sat on the dry spot. He was sheltered by the roofs to the building he was leaning against, and was thankful for ending his 'travels' there. Turning to his sides, he heaved a heavy sigh and prayed to have lost Yua once and for all.
After reading the newspapers and saw there was no sign of her around, he laid down on the hard ground. He was thankful that he managed to have lost her even though that meant losing his 'pillow'. A second of peace was all that was needed by the man to fall into deep sleep. However, no matter how much sleep or rest his body craved for, the need was not as great as his paranoid conscience to lose Yua.
Opening his blood shot eyes and staring into the darkness, dimly lit by moonlight. Figures and silhouettes of what may or may not be there played with his vision. His eyes were heavy but his heart raced. Nothing was right. He couldn't try fixing it. He did not want to. Maybe he does, but he can't. He was too tired.
The sound of rippled puddles reached the mans' ear. His fears became greater than ever, and a few steps away from him, there were eyes reflecting the moons rays. He became nervous and started crying. Cradling his body in his arms and pressing himself against the stone cold wall, he shivered and cried, "Go away Yua. Please, I have nothing to give you."
It was a quiet night and the sobs of the poor man were the only thing one can hear. Yua took a few steps closer and was soon under the moonlight. The vagabond, cried harder after taking a glance at her. Her white fur was as pure and as beautiful as he could have ever imagined. Her once steady eyes were now filled with sorrow. Her white paws were dirtied due to the chase for her master. It was a painful sight to see for the man, and he closed his eyes even tighter.
He felt her muzzle warming his hand as she licked it, and though it felt good, his own grief stabbed him painfully. "Go Yua! Go!! Stupid wolf! Someone else can take care of you! Not me!" shouted the man as he shoved her roughly away. "I love having you around too, but I can't provide you anything. Leave me alone Yua. I do not deserve you."
Yua stared at the man, and the man sobbed even harder. Shuffled steps were heard and the man felt an absence to the presence that was once there. He opened his bloodshot eyes and saw her tail vanish into the darkness. "You were my treasure Yua. I'm sorry."

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I need to stop this.

"May guilt follow you wherever you go and kill you deep within for it is the very death that you deserve. May it swallow you whole with no mercy and reign over your sun-filled life with the darkness only you fear. Let no one else know for they will laugh, and this I need not tell you for you'd be too ashamed. Let Guilt follow you all through your life so you'll remember me and look at how much you've almost wrecked my life, and how much you owe me yours. Long live GUILT!"

................Something I REALLY WANNA TELL EVERYBODY WHOM I'VE LOST RESPECT FOR! And to those whom I've trusted. Have fun living the life you lead. =)

Haunts can remain forever. =D

Friday, July 29, 2011

Love love love love love makes the world go round ^^

Love is a song that never ends
Life may be swift and fleeting
Hope may die yet love's beautiful music
Comes each day like the dawn

Love is a song that never ends
One simple theme repeating
Like the voice of a heavenly choir
Love's sweet music flows on

BAMBI ; Love is a song

Love doesn't have to mean just two people in the world...It's a song for everyone to sing. And it never dies as long as the one who has the greatest love of all lives. Thank you God. =)


Thursday, July 28, 2011

Until then

Bye little blue bird that never existed. I'm letting you go.
But if you ever wanna come back, just let me know.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

So Long, Farewell.

I think you saw my little blue bird
There! Your eyes are peeking!
And yet, maybe they aren't.
Maybe you can hear it sing?

You must know my blue bird
It is so very hard to miss
And yet, you insist you haven't
Sigh, who am I to persist?

I'm keeping my little blue bird
Though you may not care
I believe one day you would
It'll be the day you know I'm there.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

I promised myself

I promised myself
I promised I'd wait for you
The midnight hourI know you'll shine on through
I promised myselfI promised the world to you
I gave you flowers
You made my dreams come true

How many of us out there
Feel the need to run and look for shelter
I promised myself
That I'd say a prayer for you
A brand new tomorrow
Where all you wish comes true
I promised myself
That I'd make it up to you
My sister and brother
Know I'm in love with you

How many of us out there
Feel the pain of losing what was once there
God I know what people say about her
No mistake, who can live without love
I promised myself

In the midnight hour I will wait for you

I promised myself
I promised I'd wait for you
The midnight hour
I know you'll shine on through
I promised myself
I promised the world to you
I gave you flowers
You made my dreams come true

Couldnt find a clearer video, but put this all cause t was the very vid that I saw when I was std 6 and I couldnt understand what the lyrics meant. It was just catchy, and just the type of song I like (stuff you cant find today....)
Anyway, the reason why suddenly this vid appeared is cause, I just found an old file I stashed in my room that has everything I treasure when I was 12. from drawings to lyrics from Blue, gareth Gates, and A*Teens.
When i came across this song in there, I was pretty much at awe at how I can put myself along with the lyrics.
How often do we promise ourself things, and later in life, plan to just let it go? If that happens, whatever words you've used in your life, all would mean nothing.
And this song reminded me, of every word I've said in the past...and these personal promises, I think it is important to honor yourself, even though others don't know how to appreciate you.
It's like, we do good deeds not so that we can get into good books in another persons life, we do it for God who always take note and for ourselves so that we live a life worth living.
So, even promising abstract things, they matter to your being, not so that you show others that I'm a good person. It's for your own good.

I promised myself many things that you've even heard for yourself. I may be against the tide of selfish human beings, but, reality is: if I'm gonna die somehow, I want to do it knowing I've lived a life worth living and for a cause close to my heart.

P/S: Today, people are living in their own fantasy. I'm tired of listening to people telling me how much of a lie I'm living when they are chasing the wind. What matters is always what you end up with in your heart at the end of the day. Not what's in your hand.
(I'm just venting out my frustration at being misunderstood). If you do not believe what I've said, it's your life anyway so, an easy way into my mind: what will you tell yourself right before you die? What will you pray to God before you die? What will you first think of before you die? What will your regrets be before you die? If you think you are too young for death, think again. If you choose to ignore me, remember there are people who died crying, or smiling at their own stupidity in life when time cannot be reversed.
I'm gonna die smiling repeating the words to all around me: Christ is Lord!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

When words mean nothing
And actions hurt most.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Who will I die as?

I was once told
"Children wastes alot of much time arguing with parents"

It got me thinking that Yes.....I think I have fallen for that.
If i count all the time I used to fight/quarrel/go against my parents: it may add well up to 1 or 2 years~

I go pass all blogs, teens and 'young adults', this parents issue is the same for everyone.

Who to blame?
Of course I'll start with: Yes me..Human..duhh..child only...who cares, no one should..I am but a passing wind.
Still, honestly: Parents~ = =
Or at least mine...
It's not easy to be a parent, i know...But from reading others life experiences also: WHAT IS WRONG WITH PARENTS WHO DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO WHAT THEIR CHILDREN HAVE TO SAY?
I just read a post by a 20 year old, using words I use to go against my parents.
But the one thing that striked me while reading that post was: "I'm going to be 20 years old in a day"
This line made me realise how close I am to the point where i have no choice but to be independant, self-reliant and wise so as not to make wrong decisions in my life. my family will be so far away from me.
All this while, I have been pretty complacent with my parents orders...I fight with them but in the end I will follow what they ask me to do....In a few years time, will that be the case for me? When am I gonna grow up? Or am I gonna bring my parents along with me?
People my age are already having families, children, forced to take another route in life that is not as comfortable as mine....They're not dead, but I'm sure they have as much as a meaningful life as mine.

Im not saying Im gonna go look for a tiger in the mountains..But....What if one day I meet it? Life is a mountain by itself...I climbing everyday....Now, my family will just tell me which path to take so that I will not meet a tiger, and I fight with them over it...BUT NOW~ At my age~ Should I really eb spending my time questioning them about the paths they want me to take in this mountain? ESPECIALLY SINCE IM CLIMBING A DIFFERENT MOUNTAIN?
I feel very dependant..
And Im starting to fear for my future~
Im gonna lose my parents pretty soon...And when tehy are gone, who will I be? When I'm gonna go, Who will I die as?

Im already 19....Should I still be facing these fights with parents over petty things for perfection sake?
Should I just follow what they tell me to do until they die, and I go aimless?
Should I start ignoring them and plan to detach myself so as not to waste anymore time~ = =

Obviously parents can do something, but too bad. They never listen.

Dear laptop I never got a chance to name~

My laptop....
May take up to 30 secs just to get the google chrome started~
May hang while doing my work~
May not have powerpoint~
May only have MicOffice 2003~
May take up to 5 mins for MSN to start~
May go blue screen once in two weeks and take up to 2 weeks to get the screen back~
May take hours for files to be saved into pendrives~
May kill My Video & Photo editting program~

Cause it lasted me since long ago until now and until next year till I get a new one. =D
Take care of yourself laptop~ Thought I failed to get a name for you~ > <

Your not so graceful present owner.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Are you there?

I caught a little blue bird
Oh how you wouldn't believe me
It has the cutest song
And it's really a sight to see.
I caught a little blue bird
Oh how you don't want to believe me
It's in a little cage
Waiting for you to have a peek.
I caught a little blue bird
You still ignore me so
Please give me just a little of your time
And listen to it's melodies flow.
I caught a little blue bird
But you never believed me
I wonder if I should let it fly away
Then there'd be no more left of it to see.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Interesting lyrics~ hmmmmm~

P/S: Remember this is a robot singing, that's how he can reach all those high parts~ XD

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Vocaloid craze period: When songs say it all~

I mutter your name today
If your smile is recalled, it becomes dear
Love with an end need not start
Because your smile isn't lost

My love lie thick like the snow
Has it already been conveyed to you?
It's still early, I'll tell it to you some other time.
I don't wanna be damaged by you

I will imagine you tomorrow
I'm healed when your voice is heard
You shine like the meteor
I think that your voice was heard from a distance

My love is disarranged like the snowstorm
You are to be near me, yet, it's actually far.
I can't tell you I wanna speak to you
I feel nervous when our eyes meet

The light lights up in the tree
The city is filled by lovers' love
Any snow storms stop some time and light shines
Spring will also come in my mind
Please let me believe honey, Some time
The day that can be laughingly spoken with you comes. Isn't it so?


-Everyday I love you, Boyzone

Monday, June 13, 2011


Yes it is good news since I aimed for it and GOAL! XD

Relating to that, here's the whole emotional story to the results.
Before the results,
I expected I should be one of the highest (top 2 at least?) since, my good friend with awesome englishness was out of the competition. I've been growing with that since std 1, where eng teachers don't bother what I do in class or in exams cause they know, I'd be either the best or second best in the subject. Year after year it has been so, continuing up to secondary school. Coming to MUET however, it was an entirely new thing for me, and style of writing wanted was definitely not something I've ever practiced on. It was a whole new excercise...I was taught and trained to write as boring and sensible (comparing to my normal works) as newspapers and MAGAZINES DO!
First try last year was a failure as I did not reach my goal, and made me realise how much pride I had in myself (thank you good friend for listening to all my kept in unsatisfactory unjustified remarks last year XD). With that, I told myself, I should work harder...It was hard though...Stubborn as I was, however: time passed, yada yada...I sat for this years exam.
I got a band 5, as I have wanted and aimed for BUT i was still unsatisfied.
WHY? Cause, I wasnt the highest.
Three others were higher than me and I was second last among the band 5's. I wasn't the only one surprised but others around me were too. This added more to my flame of pride. XD And I spent teh whole day thinking and meditating: HOW SILLY I AM!
I ACHIEVED WHAT I NEEDED! Thoughts like: "I put in so much work, while these people rarely speaks eng gets higher scores than me, should be impossible!" shouldn't be welcomed and there at all!!
I needed a band 5 and I got it. I sat for the exam again for a band5, and I got it. WHAT WAS THE PROBLEM?
And after a few HOURS of thinking and self consolation, I realised, I can always want to do better. BUT, what will I do with the unpredictable results?
1. Show off knowing you have everything to be number 1?
2. Show off that God is good and will always bless you with the best?

I know many people who work VERY hard for many things they want in life. When they don't achieve their goal, they get sad.
To not be complacent and to go as far as one can in whatever it is.
Where does God come in?
When my results are good.
And what happens if you don't get what you want?
Blame yourself and God must be punishing me/giving me the yellow light/testing my patience.

As much as the answer to the third question may be partially true according to ones situation, getting a result ALSO KNOWN AS finishing a small race in life: Are we not allowed to be proud at all? Confident in our lives?
I don't think so. The point is not what we get but what God and you put in for the race!
You give your best, God gives you the BEST too!
Getting sad over results wouldnt help. I think God would prefer us to be confident and proud: "I HAVE A GOD WHO TAKES CARE OF ME AS LONG AS I GIVE IT ALL FOR HIM! MY ACHIVEMENT? TOO LOW FOR YOU? WAIT AND WATCH WHAT MY GOD WILL DO!"
These words shouldnt be under CONSOLATION....These words should be categorised under VICTORY FOR I AM FREE! VICTORY FOR GOD IS LOVE! VICTORY CAUSE I'M BLESSED AND WILL BE BLESSED!
How many of use take God as just consolation and not our pride and joy?

I'm very sleepy....So if there are no connections here. Forgive me. TT.TT

I admit, I feel that unsatisfied proud side of me burnin up for revenge in some way. But i know, It will not help me and it isn't going to. And just because I admit this fault of mine, doesnt mean Im not learning anything. =) It's hard to erase this but, Im sticking to logic, sensibility, reasoning and faith!
As honest as I am, I honestly am happy for my other friends who managed to get high scores and achieved using their best efforts!
I did not lose anything and It's good to see a promising future ahead for my friends!
BESIDES! one of them is a girl I help with alot with her Eng subject since form1-...Whenever she needs me! =D My help has paid off and my results: SUCCESS!


Friday, June 10, 2011

Crocodile~ XD

I remember my mum singing this song while I watched Peter Pan (when I was very young) AND I THOUGHT SHE MADE IT UP! But who knew!!!! XD HAHAHA!! THERE IS SUCH A SONG!

Never smile at a crocodile
No, you can't get friendly with a crocodile
Don't be taken in by his welcome grin
He's imagining how well you'd fit within his skin
Never smile at a crocodile
Never dip your hat and stop to talk awhile
Never run, walk away, say good-night, not good-day
Clear the aisle but never smile at Mister Crocodile
You may very well be well bred
Lots ot etiquette in your head
But there's always some special case, time or place
To forget etiquette
For instance:
Never smile at a crocodile
No, you can't get friendly with a crocodile
Don't be taken in by his welcome grin
He's imagining how well you'd fit within his skin
Never smile at a crocodile
Never dip your hat and stop to talk awhile
Never run, walk away, say good-night, not good-day
Clear the aisle but never smile at Mister Crocodile

Monday, June 6, 2011

For stability's sake~

Giving up but not giving up at the same time~? hmmmm~


But who cares anyway. = = nobody cares who i am~ (or at least those whom i care for dun)

Gaah~ life~

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Wants, Needs and Actions

needa draw
Wanna draw
Too tired to draw

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Lighted Joy

Just came back from church, and the slides were the same ol' every Sunday Reminders:
.Reflect a good reflection to the society
.Be Christ-Like
.Pick up the cross
.Make a difference wherever you are
.Build stronger churches

It's always the same old, same old.....
But though they are just words, doing it is a different thing is, we all find VERY hard to do and achieve...That's why we thank God for sending Jesus to bridge that gap to make our lives easier: AND EVEN WITH THAT IT IS HARD.
With all that difficulty to achieve these few things, My question is: ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FIND THEM DIFFICULT? And ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE SAD BECAUSE WE FIND IT HARD?

I know alot of ppl find me a person who couldn't care less about anything, that's pretty much cause humans beings complain on EVERY PETTY SMALL LITTLE THING THAT WOULDN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO THE PURPOSE, Ahem~ Anyway....As much as you see me that way, here's my point: I believe God exists, I believe He makes things we have to do challenging so that we improve ourselves (simple basic fact), But i do not believe God gives a task and laughs at your face saying


I believe God is merciful and graceful the way He is, and so we should be to take Him as an example.
If God, can state the quote above, and force us to be sad and unhappy to do His task, he must be a very sadistic God and painful to be around with. AND CANT WAIT TO PERISH US. = = We were made in His image, able to be happy, sad, angry frustrated....He knows what we feel, knows what we can feel, knows what we dont even know we are feeling, cause He created them all...Im only speaking through sense here, Im not saying i know EVERYTHING GOD DOES. With what He knows of us, He tried creating mini-Him's, and would sense tell you, He planned to do so, to make you sad to work for him? Depressed to work for Him diligently? Unhappy to Know the Truth, to how to be His servant? When He calls you friend and doesn't want you to be a foe?

This was what a good friend of mine told me:
"Hard eh to be a Christian? It's not easy."
This person I know and love, goes around being sad, angry, sad, and EVERYBODY AGREES that this person never smiles. And who was everybody? Ppl who made first impressions of him....
Im not that close to this person now, but, I know this person tries her/his best, to be a Christian, and to be SOMEBODY for God. But while doing it, I do not sense the joy but only pain, sorrow and misery. From that what am I suppose to understand from being a good Christian? That being a mini-Christ is a pain and SHOULD be a pain?
I thought we should be joyful and celebrating! THE MESSIAH CAME! AND SAVED US ALL!
Im sad and mourning for those who are still lost (as am I at times) but How long do i need to frown? ALWAYS? No! I know what can make the lost and me happier! For I have found the Truth and because of the truth I AM FREE TODAY! LET ME SCREAM UP TO THE HEAVENS THAT I'VE BEEN BLESSED IN MY LIFE TO JUST KNOW THE TRUTH!
NOT: woopeedee~ Kay, back to work, save ppl...tell them what I know....damn it's so hard...goodness it's tough...HEY YOU BROTHER! REALLY TOUGH LA! Remember very hard to be Christian you know...sigh, sigh, sigh.....OH! you wanna be a Christian? Okay, but, HAIH...look at all my sighs la...I never smile so long adie... *walks away solemnly*
THERE ARE ALSO: "You are not happy being a Christian?"
"I AM! =D *3 seconds* = = SIGH~*

Please please ignore the question: "Is she talking about me?" Don't try guessing, this is only an example of SO MANY THAT I KNOW!
Is working for God a sad job? Working for a Saviour who has to power to help you if you allow Him to; a sad job? As a sister, I feel very discouraged!
With this attitude, are you then fulfilling the purpose of believing in Him and serving Him?

I've been among these ppl for a very long time, and the few points I stated at the start of this post, have always been what I meditate under my breath everyday...Until I realized, if I were to be next to God and talking to Him, I'd be so SUPERFICIAL....If God made a joke and wanted me to laugh with Him: I'd go "You are funny oh Almighty God" = = Is that what God wants? To be a robot in His presence? What's the purpose of having a CLOSE RELATIONSHIP TO HIM THEN? Or making Him your EVERYTHING?
To make Him my teddy Bear~
My Dad
My love
My sky
My earth
My King
My Invincible one
My Superman
My everything: I don't want a friend who discourages me from everything good I wanna do: would that make it to my Everything list?
(Im not saying whatever you don't like, God will not be. Be sensible and rational, I want a friend who teaches me that I did sth in a wrong way, and smiles and tell me to do it again until I got the hang of it: GET A SENSIBLE AND WISE EVERYTHING LIST PEOPLE!)

Smile people. The Saviour is alive and why is He alive? So that You know how to LIVE AND LOVE! JOYFULLY! WITH ALL HIS GRACE!

P/S: I just don't find it sincere to do whatever we are supposed to do for God with a sad face. I don't like asking a friend to help and he/she frowns doing it. i'll take the job away from him/her at once! If anyone feels offended, I didn't intend any of it, Im just stating what I think and hoping you'll shine your light to the people around you. =)
This little light off mine, Im gonna make it shine
This little light off mine, Im gonna let it shine
Let it shine, let it shine

Don't let Satan blow it off, I'm gonna let it shine
Don't let Satan blow it off, I'm gonna let it shine
Let it Shine, Let it shine.

Don't Let Satan blow the shine away from doing God's work. =)

Friday, May 20, 2011

Not worth reading. But I love it.

Me...The great and awesome me....
As a girl Im known to be one who has NO EMOTIONS (at least for a girl) and Have been PRETTY MEAN (thanks to that).
However, recently, I find myself easily affected by the common things only girls get affected by.
So, am I emotional now and qualified enough to be a girl according to the normal terms of society?

*checks my most loved Oxford advanced learners Dictionary 7th edition: this is not really the feeling love most girls have but it is to me Loyalty [New question: is loyalty a feeling or good reasoning? Hehee~ We'll come to that some other time]*

We'll go to the root word:
Emotion = A strong feeling such as love, fear or anger; the part of a person's character that consists of feelings.
Feeling = 1. An emotional state or reaction
2. an idea or belief, especially a vague or irrational one
3. the capacity to experience the sense of touch

Examples of when Im considered 'without feelings':
*18 years old, discussion*
A: What to do! He chase after me but i dun like him and no time. But he never fail to contact me.
Me: Tell him la. Make it clear to him.
B: o.o But that's mean
A: Yea.

*15 years old, Real life*
Guy shows interest......
Me: Thank you, but Im not interested. *SMILES!!!!!*

We are living happy separate lives than a complicated one. = =

Another Example:
*12 years old, whole class laughing at my friends and I for something we did wrong*
*walking out of class*
Me: ........... *smilling, knowing school just ended, oblivious to everything else*
Friends: YOU! What's wrong with you?! You know people just laughed at us?! Dunno how to feel anything wan lor she!
Me: O.O?!?!!! What else can you do?!
Friends: *angry angry angry*

Those days, I was like that.
Now, self examination.....Am I still like that?
#1: Lost somebody (It's no loss really, but....) : Feeling fragile
#2: EXAMSSS!!!! STPM!!! : Suicide thoughts
#3: Anybody comes and criticize what I do: I take them pretty much to heart
#4: Not accepted by present society : feel lonely

THOSE DAYS (I had a strong character):
#1: Awww..Too bad.....Oh well.....
#2: The sun won't die cause I get 0% *hum hum hum*
#3: Your problem, not mine....If anything goes wrong I'll learn my lesson...But what I do normally never results in doomsday
#4: (I'd avoid society normally, but I had friends who loved me Alot and they are not with me now )

The reasonings to all the problems Im facing are very obvious...but somehow, they are harder to live by than before which normally comes naturally.
Difference those days and then (which could be the very variable that affected me) =
There are adults and people who come and pressure me. They have always been in a good way, but, I feel I'm terribly in debt to them for being so concerned. And not achieving what they hope and ask for is disappointing.

Normal advices come with: "You must" and "you should"
Normal reaction in head nowadays: If I just fail and continue failing, they'll ignore my presence~ (FANTASIZING)

Hmm~ A variable I dun think I should ever consider....It's ridiculous. XD
Hehe~ But....Back to the question, Am I closer to being a girl today than before?


. . . . .
This post is not worth anyones read.....But I love it~ XD

(conscious of what should be done due to reasoning skills and yet, not doing it just because I Like it: I may be a normal girl after all! =D NOW! Is that good news or a disappointing and confusing one?)

Hehee~ Ramble Ramble Ramble~ OH this is funnnnnn~ XD

Toy balloons~ Toy balloons~~~

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Emo/Happy/uncertain/Hungry/Emo/Unsure/Confused/Very hungry/ *stomach growling* / Emo~ (I just love myself~ XD)

Just lwuve the picturesss (I think @.@)....Heeeee~ I just realised Im quite terrible with colors~ TT.TT
Amateur in drawing
bad with colors.
= = Terrible with everything else

Monday, May 16, 2011

Holding it all in~
Until I can let it go~

Midnights in Winter
The glowing fire
Lights up your face in orange and gold.
I see your sweet smile
Shine through the darkness
It's line is etched in my memory.

So I'd know you by heart.

Mornings in April
Sharing our secrets
We'd walk until the morning was gone.
We were like children
Laughing for hours
The joy you gave me lives on and on.

Cause I know you by heart.

I still hear your voice
On warm Summer nights
Whispering like the wind.

You left in Autumn
The leaves were turning
I walked down roads of orange and gold.
I saw your sweet smile
I heard your laughter
You're still here beside me every day.

Cause I know you by heart,
Cause I know you by heart.

By Eva Cassidy