Tuesday, June 28, 2011

I promised myself

I promised myself
I promised I'd wait for you
The midnight hourI know you'll shine on through
I promised myselfI promised the world to you
I gave you flowers
You made my dreams come true

How many of us out there
Feel the need to run and look for shelter
I promised myself
That I'd say a prayer for you
A brand new tomorrow
Where all you wish comes true
I promised myself
That I'd make it up to you
My sister and brother
Know I'm in love with you

How many of us out there
Feel the pain of losing what was once there
God I know what people say about her
No mistake, who can live without love
I promised myself

In the midnight hour I will wait for you

I promised myself
I promised I'd wait for you
The midnight hour
I know you'll shine on through
I promised myself
I promised the world to you
I gave you flowers
You made my dreams come true

Couldnt find a clearer video, but put this all cause t was the very vid that I saw when I was std 6 and I couldnt understand what the lyrics meant. It was just catchy, and just the type of song I like (stuff you cant find today....)
Anyway, the reason why suddenly this vid appeared is cause, I just found an old file I stashed in my room that has everything I treasure when I was 12. from drawings to lyrics from Blue, gareth Gates, and A*Teens.
When i came across this song in there, I was pretty much at awe at how I can put myself along with the lyrics.
How often do we promise ourself things, and later in life, plan to just let it go? If that happens, whatever words you've used in your life, all would mean nothing.
And this song reminded me, of every word I've said in the past...and these personal promises, I think it is important to honor yourself, even though others don't know how to appreciate you.
It's like, we do good deeds not so that we can get into good books in another persons life, we do it for God who always take note and for ourselves so that we live a life worth living.
So, even promising abstract things, they matter to your being, not so that you show others that I'm a good person. It's for your own good.

I promised myself many things that you've even heard for yourself. I may be against the tide of selfish human beings, but, reality is: if I'm gonna die somehow, I want to do it knowing I've lived a life worth living and for a cause close to my heart.

P/S: Today, people are living in their own fantasy. I'm tired of listening to people telling me how much of a lie I'm living when they are chasing the wind. What matters is always what you end up with in your heart at the end of the day. Not what's in your hand.
(I'm just venting out my frustration at being misunderstood). If you do not believe what I've said, it's your life anyway so, an easy way into my mind: what will you tell yourself right before you die? What will you pray to God before you die? What will you first think of before you die? What will your regrets be before you die? If you think you are too young for death, think again. If you choose to ignore me, remember there are people who died crying, or smiling at their own stupidity in life when time cannot be reversed.
I'm gonna die smiling repeating the words to all around me: Christ is Lord!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

When words mean nothing
And actions hurt most.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Who will I die as?

I was once told
"Children wastes alot of much time arguing with parents"

It got me thinking that Yes.....I think I have fallen for that.
If i count all the time I used to fight/quarrel/go against my parents: it may add well up to 1 or 2 years~

I go pass all blogs, teens and 'young adults', this parents issue is the same for everyone.

Who to blame?
Of course I'll start with: Yes me..Human..duhh..child only...who cares, no one should..I am but a passing wind.
Still, honestly: Parents~ = =
Or at least mine...
It's not easy to be a parent, i know...But from reading others life experiences also: WHAT IS WRONG WITH PARENTS WHO DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO WHAT THEIR CHILDREN HAVE TO SAY?
I just read a post by a 20 year old, using words I use to go against my parents.
But the one thing that striked me while reading that post was: "I'm going to be 20 years old in a day"
This line made me realise how close I am to the point where i have no choice but to be independant, self-reliant and wise so as not to make wrong decisions in my life. my family will be so far away from me.
All this while, I have been pretty complacent with my parents orders...I fight with them but in the end I will follow what they ask me to do....In a few years time, will that be the case for me? When am I gonna grow up? Or am I gonna bring my parents along with me?
People my age are already having families, children, forced to take another route in life that is not as comfortable as mine....They're not dead, but I'm sure they have as much as a meaningful life as mine.

Im not saying Im gonna go look for a tiger in the mountains..But....What if one day I meet it? Life is a mountain by itself...I climbing everyday....Now, my family will just tell me which path to take so that I will not meet a tiger, and I fight with them over it...BUT NOW~ At my age~ Should I really eb spending my time questioning them about the paths they want me to take in this mountain? ESPECIALLY SINCE IM CLIMBING A DIFFERENT MOUNTAIN?
I feel very dependant..
And Im starting to fear for my future~
Im gonna lose my parents pretty soon...And when tehy are gone, who will I be? When I'm gonna go, Who will I die as?

Im already 19....Should I still be facing these fights with parents over petty things for perfection sake?
Should I just follow what they tell me to do until they die, and I go aimless?
Should I start ignoring them and plan to detach myself so as not to waste anymore time~ = =

Obviously parents can do something, but too bad. They never listen.

Dear laptop I never got a chance to name~

My laptop....
May take up to 30 secs just to get the google chrome started~
May hang while doing my work~
May not have powerpoint~
May only have MicOffice 2003~
May take up to 5 mins for MSN to start~
May go blue screen once in two weeks and take up to 2 weeks to get the screen back~
May take hours for files to be saved into pendrives~
May kill My Video & Photo editting program~

Cause it lasted me since long ago until now and until next year till I get a new one. =D
Take care of yourself laptop~ Thought I failed to get a name for you~ > <

Your not so graceful present owner.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Are you there?

I caught a little blue bird
Oh how you wouldn't believe me
It has the cutest song
And it's really a sight to see.
I caught a little blue bird
Oh how you don't want to believe me
It's in a little cage
Waiting for you to have a peek.
I caught a little blue bird
You still ignore me so
Please give me just a little of your time
And listen to it's melodies flow.
I caught a little blue bird
But you never believed me
I wonder if I should let it fly away
Then there'd be no more left of it to see.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Interesting lyrics~ hmmmmm~

P/S: Remember this is a robot singing, that's how he can reach all those high parts~ XD

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Vocaloid craze period: When songs say it all~

I mutter your name today
If your smile is recalled, it becomes dear
Love with an end need not start
Because your smile isn't lost

My love lie thick like the snow
Has it already been conveyed to you?
It's still early, I'll tell it to you some other time.
I don't wanna be damaged by you

I will imagine you tomorrow
I'm healed when your voice is heard
You shine like the meteor
I think that your voice was heard from a distance

My love is disarranged like the snowstorm
You are to be near me, yet, it's actually far.
I can't tell you I wanna speak to you
I feel nervous when our eyes meet

The light lights up in the tree
The city is filled by lovers' love
Any snow storms stop some time and light shines
Spring will also come in my mind
Please let me believe honey, Some time
The day that can be laughingly spoken with you comes. Isn't it so?


-Everyday I love you, Boyzone

Monday, June 13, 2011


Yes it is good news since I aimed for it and GOAL! XD

Relating to that, here's the whole emotional story to the results.
Before the results,
I expected I should be one of the highest (top 2 at least?) since, my good friend with awesome englishness was out of the competition. I've been growing with that since std 1, where eng teachers don't bother what I do in class or in exams cause they know, I'd be either the best or second best in the subject. Year after year it has been so, continuing up to secondary school. Coming to MUET however, it was an entirely new thing for me, and style of writing wanted was definitely not something I've ever practiced on. It was a whole new excercise...I was taught and trained to write as boring and sensible (comparing to my normal works) as newspapers and MAGAZINES DO!
First try last year was a failure as I did not reach my goal, and made me realise how much pride I had in myself (thank you good friend for listening to all my kept in unsatisfactory unjustified remarks last year XD). With that, I told myself, I should work harder...It was hard though...Stubborn as I was, however: time passed, yada yada...I sat for this years exam.
I got a band 5, as I have wanted and aimed for BUT i was still unsatisfied.
WHY? Cause, I wasnt the highest.
Three others were higher than me and I was second last among the band 5's. I wasn't the only one surprised but others around me were too. This added more to my flame of pride. XD And I spent teh whole day thinking and meditating: HOW SILLY I AM!
I ACHIEVED WHAT I NEEDED! Thoughts like: "I put in so much work, while these people rarely speaks eng gets higher scores than me, should be impossible!" shouldn't be welcomed and there at all!!
I needed a band 5 and I got it. I sat for the exam again for a band5, and I got it. WHAT WAS THE PROBLEM?
And after a few HOURS of thinking and self consolation, I realised, I can always want to do better. BUT, what will I do with the unpredictable results?
1. Show off knowing you have everything to be number 1?
2. Show off that God is good and will always bless you with the best?

I know many people who work VERY hard for many things they want in life. When they don't achieve their goal, they get sad.
To not be complacent and to go as far as one can in whatever it is.
Where does God come in?
When my results are good.
And what happens if you don't get what you want?
Blame yourself and God must be punishing me/giving me the yellow light/testing my patience.

As much as the answer to the third question may be partially true according to ones situation, getting a result ALSO KNOWN AS finishing a small race in life: Are we not allowed to be proud at all? Confident in our lives?
I don't think so. The point is not what we get but what God and you put in for the race!
You give your best, God gives you the BEST too!
Getting sad over results wouldnt help. I think God would prefer us to be confident and proud: "I HAVE A GOD WHO TAKES CARE OF ME AS LONG AS I GIVE IT ALL FOR HIM! MY ACHIVEMENT? TOO LOW FOR YOU? WAIT AND WATCH WHAT MY GOD WILL DO!"
These words shouldnt be under CONSOLATION....These words should be categorised under VICTORY FOR I AM FREE! VICTORY FOR GOD IS LOVE! VICTORY CAUSE I'M BLESSED AND WILL BE BLESSED!
How many of use take God as just consolation and not our pride and joy?

I'm very sleepy....So if there are no connections here. Forgive me. TT.TT

I admit, I feel that unsatisfied proud side of me burnin up for revenge in some way. But i know, It will not help me and it isn't going to. And just because I admit this fault of mine, doesnt mean Im not learning anything. =) It's hard to erase this but, Im sticking to logic, sensibility, reasoning and faith!
As honest as I am, I honestly am happy for my other friends who managed to get high scores and achieved using their best efforts!
I did not lose anything and It's good to see a promising future ahead for my friends!
BESIDES! one of them is a girl I help with alot with her Eng subject since form1-...Whenever she needs me! =D My help has paid off and my results: SUCCESS!


Friday, June 10, 2011

Crocodile~ XD

I remember my mum singing this song while I watched Peter Pan (when I was very young) AND I THOUGHT SHE MADE IT UP! But who knew!!!! XD HAHAHA!! THERE IS SUCH A SONG!

Never smile at a crocodile
No, you can't get friendly with a crocodile
Don't be taken in by his welcome grin
He's imagining how well you'd fit within his skin
Never smile at a crocodile
Never dip your hat and stop to talk awhile
Never run, walk away, say good-night, not good-day
Clear the aisle but never smile at Mister Crocodile
You may very well be well bred
Lots ot etiquette in your head
But there's always some special case, time or place
To forget etiquette
For instance:
Never smile at a crocodile
No, you can't get friendly with a crocodile
Don't be taken in by his welcome grin
He's imagining how well you'd fit within his skin
Never smile at a crocodile
Never dip your hat and stop to talk awhile
Never run, walk away, say good-night, not good-day
Clear the aisle but never smile at Mister Crocodile

Monday, June 6, 2011

For stability's sake~

Giving up but not giving up at the same time~? hmmmm~


But who cares anyway. = = nobody cares who i am~ (or at least those whom i care for dun)

Gaah~ life~

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Wants, Needs and Actions

needa draw
Wanna draw
Too tired to draw