Friday, December 28, 2012


I actually like my blog... =) It's very.... ME! XD

Someone once asked me, "How did you feel after going back home?"

I found it very hard to answer. But this Christmas, I've been gifted with an answer.

With so much love from those expected and unexpected, I've found feelings to be a tremendous blessing this Christmas.

Thank you...from every Hug, every Kiss (Only Dear ol' Theresa.... = =), every jeer, every food, every present, every greeting, every smile, every fight... Thank God He understood what I wanted though they have not been much of needs. X)

Thank you,


Aunty Peh Lan, Doreen, (Jonathan's mum insert here), Meow Nee, JOAN! XD, Chiam, Mei Ling, (Jui Shan's mum insert here), Saw Cheng!!!, Amelia!!!, (Aaron's mum insert here), (Who else could I have forgotten????)

Uncle Yeang Boon, Koay, Thiam Hock, Dr. Lee (XP), (Insert Sam's dad here), (Who else could I have forgotten????)

Cheeng, Joce, Sarn, Dodie~ =D

Samantha, Eunice, Zanne, Yi En, Evening, Yu Fei, Hannah, THERESA!, Alyssa, Tracy, Angel, Cheng Yu, SU YEN!!!, Elyna, Yen Yi, (Who else could I have forgotten????)

DanT, Tim, Foo, Hong, Aaron, Su Jian, Moti, Desmond, Isaac, Jonathan, Calvin, Kelvin (interesting fella... XP), Edward!, AhYao, (Who else am I missing????)

Mocha, SweetiePieSweetSugarDumplingLoveyDovey, 3 chickens! =D

With love from Alor Setar.

Thursday, December 27, 2012


With the stitches still in, and still immature to remove, I will continue living!

Dear dream mistress (who has been waiting for me),

I have found myself today; back in the comfort of anger and frustration and loneliness (which in the end I find joy, peace and company ^^).
I however have reached an obstacle of not understanding how to deal with some people who works SO BLOODY HARD to be around me and talk to me. As for God, I want Him around, and that's pretty much It.

Sincerely and taking my sweetest of time,

Monday, December 10, 2012


It was the last stitch... WHEN:

I, however, managed....

When only have I realised my relief was too soon:


I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. [2 Timothy 4:7]




And my generation has learnt to forget that they can die tomorrow.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Recuperating for Far Too Long A Time Yet Far Too Fast To Succeed

The point of life when you just come back home
throw your sword down
kneel n bury your head on the couch
and hope that some hidden murderer would come
and stab you till you are dead;
cause you are not treating yourself any better.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Thursday, August 2, 2012


"HOODS!!! HOOODS!!! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODS!!!" the man hooted from across the road. I remembered being gifted my first very own hood. The honorary gift, could have never meant so much if without the blessing from my own loved ones.
"CHEERS TO THE LADY!" I remembered the howl from a dearly beloved relative. It was an occasion and celebration branded to my existence! The day I'm to be introduced into the world as an unattached individual! The hood was placed and clipped to my cloak that morning, and I was seen by all an equal to the respected race of humankind. It was glorious. My effort in listening and heeding advices have all paid off. Friends then have told me advices were leashes, leashing you from what you can be. I paid them no attention. I am now successful. They now can laugh at how silly a fool they are! NO HOODS! NO ONE TO BESTOW THEM THE HONOUR! One cant buy their own hoods! Uncertified it will be and hence disgusted by the people if done.
Now I walk, with my head among the rest of the respected and admired. I am one with them as they are united with my existence. Smiling underneath my hood, I looked up to see a girl, walking against the flow of people on the pathway. She was ugly. As ugly as any young one can be. Disgraceful to the society, and as would many of the elders know, a shame to her family. No mask. No hood. Nothing to make her beautiful.
Whispers and murmurs started filling my ears with their sounds of jeers and shame. My eyes saw all of us humans making way for this 'beastly creature' as she walked passed. I myself too shrouded under my cape, shielding my physical senses away from her, to only hear, "Dextrina? Is that you?" If the sun was bright enough and if the sense of sight of a human were as right as they were made to be: it was an easy indication to my paled face, and cold lips mumbling for help.
I'm not satisfied yet. To speak to this hideous being when I've only attained my hood last week, was impertinent. I will not steep so low and yet, I was frozen. "Dextrina! Your hood! You must be very happy!" I heard her voice melodiously sounding. Such joy dancing in the tone of her voice, such a stealthy act into attaining happiness: How naive. From under my hood, I saw her feet coming closer to mine, and I could sense her smile, pouring 'gladness' all over my being which I so painfully accept of my bodily existence.
"Have you become deaf Dex? Has anyone abused you?"
My heart couldn't take it, she was too close. I was closing into a wall behind my back, while all else who was normal couldn't come to my aid. I understood their positions, and couldn't blame them but I had to take action before my hood gets stripped away.
"YOU! YOU HAVE ABUSED ME! MY IMAGE! SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!" I shouted and wailed as I ran from the scene. Shouts of victory echoed within the walls and I can imagine that that thing still holding her head up high and pitying the world. When the world pities her. Such ugliness I have not seen for so long. I have always been separated from those brute uncharacterised profiles in bodies. Leashes they call the words of the elders? SERVES THEM RIGHT! SERVES HER RIGHT! HIDEOUS CREATURES! INHUMANE IMAGES! SHAME SHAME SHAME!
Arriving by the river, I bent over and touched my hood. The security in it, and watching masked people pass by was heart warming. Unconsciously, the slip of my hand gave way my hood to a reflection on the water: my face. I was curious to see me! Yes! I was! It wasn't an unconscious act! No it wasn't! SHAME SHAME SHAME! SUCH SIN! SUCH A GHASTLY FACE WHAT WAS I TO SEE?! If my loved ones knew! Oh, they would've ripped my cape and glory from me. What will I have left for this soul? Ghastly. I will not see that painful image ever again. DISCIPLINE: AS THOUGHT BY THE ELDERS! DISCIPLINE! WISDOM! YES! WISDOM! I will not falter to the shallow ranks of the naive and ignorant. My hood is my all as everyone's else is their everything.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Invisible but Alive

And the skies will continually be blue regardless of the many times I say it is green.

Thursday, June 21, 2012


"Go on Derek!"
"Jemimah, I've only said it for fun."
"...Do you want to take back your words then?"
"No! I was just jokin..."
"Then touch it!"
He looked around to see a sea of faces, weaved with various emotions. Kimbly had disgust on his face, Terra was eager and anxious, while the rest were either restless or not bothered. He looked at the cockroach in the bottle and gulped. Why was he so afraid? It wasn't as if he needed to eat it, he only needed to touch it. All the bravery just to prove to the girl he has favoured for 3 years, that he was not a cripple; no matter how loud the clanging is from his 'leg'. She was not mean, nor was she trying to be mean. She herself was laughing and softly persuading him to just walk away. Yet, no; this is another chance for him to prove to himself as well that he can do more than to fear of being less than a boy.
He opened the cap, and everybody backed away. The smell was horrid and the stench from the insect was intolerable. He closed his eyes and placed his hand into the jar.


"What have you to say for yourself Derek?" asked the middle aged lady.
Derek had nothing to say. He did not mean any of it to happen. He didn't intend to make all the girls scream ad run outside the class; neither was he trying to get the other boys to climb chairs just to capture the insect (they too were in trouble but, Derek was named to be the source of the problem).
"You are already 13 years old. You cannot afford to play such tricks anymore, do you understand?" Mrs Li sighed as she sat down. "You can go, please call Roy in. You learn from him as well that no boy can jump from table to table for an insect."
"Yes ma'am" answered the boy and he did what he was told. Walking out of the office, he saw Jemimah with  a sympathetic face. He was no where near a man for he did not manage to touch the insect, and he got into trouble with the headmistress.
"I'm sorry Derek for challenging you to it: even though you yourself already insisted since the beginning that you would touch it regardless of anyone stopping you, which made me think I was doing the right thing by encouraging you, but OH WELL..." Jemimah ranted as she always has. That was what that made Jemimah special. She says what she means and she means what she says. That was why, no matter how her non-verbal cues may contradict what she says, one would know where she stood. However because of that, most people find it hard to like her. They needed more than her words, they needed to see her emotions in her words. This she has learned in time to just ignore them entirely and to her it was no loss if someone does not befriend her for not trusting her. All she needed was just a friend who can understand and trust her: Derek.
"Its recess, let me buy you that sandwich you like so much; it's your comfort food, I know." she said with a smile as she faced the canteen and walked on.
Yes it is, thank you.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Jemimah and Derek were best of friends.

Jemimah was never so different from any of us. "Derek you are despicable. You are 5 minutes late!"
"Jemimah! You know I cant walk as well as you do! All I have is a long tin can for a leg. Do try and understand."
"Shame on you for such excuses! If you knew you have a problem, you should have done something about it. You could have started coming here a few minutes earlier!" nagged the 10 year old, while her companion took her words to heart.
With her back in front of the poor spectacled boy, she stomped and climbed her way up the hill. Derek could only continue to make sure he doesn't upset her anymore and to concentrate to make all his steps sure, steady and perfect; so that he would be able to cope with the dynamic little lass that he has a liking for.
"Er...Jemimah, I don't think I could get pass those rocks. This leg I have cant seem to be able to give a step that far."
"Well, that's why I'm here to help you Derek," she suggested with a smile as she handed out her hand to him. With a pull and a push, they got passed the obstacle in no time, and soon, they found themselves where they were headed to. Derek gave a soft sigh in awe at what he saw. It was as what Jemimah described. The spot at where they sat was as if they were at the edge of the world.
CLANG! went his tin leg and he sighed once more. Turning to see the sunset and then to Jemimah's focused face, he felt sorry for himself. If nature was made to be naturally beautiful, he has lost a part of his beauty and his handsomeness with the loss of his leg. What more to mock his God-blessed body with a man-made instrument, which taints the entire image of a child made by the Creator.
"Derek, stop looking at your legs. They won't disappear but this sun set will," smiled the girl and then turning back to the sky.
No, they won't disappear.

Monday, June 18, 2012

For the moment purposes.


                                             CONFUSION~ AND YET, THERE'S A STAND!

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Best left alone for a reason, than left for none.

"You alone can make my song take flight,
it's over now the music of the night"

Monday, May 28, 2012

To The Everlasting~

Dear Imagination,

Where have you hidden yourself from me?
I'm sorry to have left you for things I couldn't keep.
I know now where you belong, and no more will you only be in the lonely mill with me.
I see where we can go: hand in hand, heart by heart.
I've a place where you can stay, a love that you can share.
Come back when you are ready, over the plains I shall see us once more.


Monday, May 14, 2012

Deaf and Dumb

How isit 'caring for a patient' by forcing a man to live when he cries day and night?

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Dear Ignorant fools,

Nobody reads this anymore...
I dun mind....

Everytime I say Im different, people just think Im still immature...
Then I refer to my 12 year old memory when I was told I sounded much older than my age then cause I was different....
But to say that out loud, people will think Im boasting or lying....back to immaturity...

So, too bad world...
You spend too much time putting someone else down than pulling yourself up...
By me posting this, I'd be told: Immature, dunno how to control feelings yet....
I dun blame me....I have no one to blame, Im not murdering someone, eventhough I wish very much to...

Im not obsessive dear dear world...Im not pitiful either.....Just Different.....and reasonable if you read and listen properly.


Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Lie Down and Close Your Eyes.

"And how can a story be ended
When it didn't hardly begin

How can my glass be so empty
When it's filled up to the brim"

She was ready, she said before she stepped forward.
There was faith and confidence. 
Dreams and hopes were never so true.

Today the rains pour, the storm rages...
She sits under the dying tree and consoles herself.
She blamed herself. She hated herself.

All so until a bird came with a song. 
She heard naught.
But a stranger like herself, she did meet.

"In a country where we are headed, love
There is nothing but rocks and stones
No friendly plant or animal
No angel to guide you home"