It has been too long. I have not written any piece I'm proud of reminiscing for too significant a time. The odd part, is how I have actually never stopped writing. They just so happen to be pieces for evaluation by others. Though they have been welcomed well into the academic world in whatever major or minor way they did, purpose and reason they did not carry for me.
So let me begin a checkpoint as I have tried umpteen times before this and hope for the best.
I began as a strong headed and strong willed child in a small state who applied praises more than critiques as guide for my growth. That had became the core and root of my being, which became a foundation difficult to break. It did me well...too well. I have turned into a being of evaluation, a result of what others want from me: a slave to rewards.
It may be natural and in fact, such a compass only made me human.
However, by the time reality for reason of my existence that I have decided for myself came to light, I felt nobly used and like a labored martyr. I accepted it with pride and truly believed, I must have been truly fulfilling the entirety of my existences' worth.
That was, until, I realised, by allowing my existence to be dictated by others, I left the reigns of my point of view to those around me. If that were to be why any one of us should exist;
I was trained to be a professional. An occupation crowned with nobility and heavily-laden with purpose (IN TRUTH: regardless of how unwell you may carry yourself and how useless you may be). It is true that I cannot judge others on how they present themselves when holding the same rank and uniform as I did, but for all the stereotypes forced fed on the image, there was a lie everyone believed in for the sake of ensuring a large gap was filled in the irresponsible economy driven social hierarchy.
You now know then, that I have now come to a conclusion on the matter with a strong perspective of it and its' problems. Yet, I have chosen to run away from trying to fix it; this, is in heavy contrast to what I have stood for, for the years that I have lived.
"People keep telling me you are smart"
Whatever it was, it was distasteful. I fought myself over the chance for glory in a world that lost itself in the name of progress.
It was a fight with no winners.
Now, I have a ring on my finger, with a different future to look forward to.